Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
