he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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