its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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