Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
