I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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