he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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