i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
