I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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