You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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