I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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