i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
