I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
