Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I fill condoms, not promises.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
