new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Houston, we have a squirter
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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