You can't special order awesome
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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