Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
