I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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