I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
