The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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