Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
