I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
