Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
