remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
