so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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