I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
