i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
