Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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