I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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