Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
