if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
