I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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