I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
