When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
