remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
