Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
