franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
