I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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