2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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