In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
