I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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