im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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