in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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