you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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