You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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