Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
