the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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