we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Pants are for mortals
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
