just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
