I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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