dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
