Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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