Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
